I’ve grown up as a Buddhist. All of the lessons I’ve learn in life – of course I’ve learnt it the hard way – have made me a believer.
But living this life is sometimes the same with swimming in a stormy ocean. Even when you’re trying to stay afloat and calm, the madness won’t stop pushing and drowning you. That’s when we forgot about all the lessons in life, wisdoms, etc. Everything you are just disappear over a quick moment where you allow anger to step past your doors.
And then soon enough when anger left, your wisdom and thoughts come back and pity yourself.
I need to focus.
What is my life goal?
I only live for my family.
Being home with my loved ones is my happy place.
Lately I’ve let so many emotions divide my inner peace – disappointment of failures to conceive, worries, stress, depression, etc. I am running to a dead end again. I need to find myself the way out again. I will never stop finding myself the way out. I will never let myself drown in the dark water. I can’t. Because the days when I revived my suicides. I decided to only live this life and love this body for my loved ones.
I should leave the world outside at the doors. Angers, jealousy, hate, demons back off! Stay outside of my doors.
Let me be at peace again, so that I can find peace in everything I do.
I’ve been through hell, so that I am no angel. I am not that innocent. But I choose to be nice, to be kind, because I believe in karma. And for being innocent and truthful, I believe happiness will find its way to meet me at the end of the road.